September 6, 2011

The Painful Reality of Football Picksdom

By Robb Witmer Full  |  September 6, 2011

PUSHMASTER PICKS '011: WEEK ONE



The author has for the better part of a decade participated in the Internet’s premier Football picks league, the PushMaster Invitational Football Pool, the Roster for which is among the most exclusive in the world.

America-Thrust has contracted the author to turn his weekly picks — which can be College Football or Pro, sides or totals — into a regular column. It is our hope to document, in detail, his descent back into the depths of Gambling Insanity, an affliction the author has dealt with for years.




Week One in the PushMaster Invitational is like Spring Training for Baseball: Hope springs eternal. We’re all still in it. Everyone’s got a chance.

Yeah, right. It will only be a few weeks, of course, before Sean has given up altogether, or Ripper is mired in a nearly-impossible losing streak that can only be treated with massive doses of Jacob Best, or Cochran starts making English Premier League picks...

The painful reality of Football Picksdom will bite all of us eventually. Those of us that can elude it for long enough will walk away happy enough, maybe a little richer, but certainly not unscathed.

Any season that ends without a complete psychological meltdown is a successful one in my book. You gotta have goals.


WEEK ONE PICKS

MISSISSIPPI STATE (-7) v. Auburn
The astute PushMaster observer will notice that I’m going with five road teams this week. An experienced PushMaster alumni will know that while this is not necessarily a mis-play, it’s probably a sign of a major flaw in my thinking, glaring to everyone but me... Auburn’s defense wasn’t so great last year, but apparently it didn’t matter. This year, it probably will matter, and they’re my pick for being this year’s Michigan.

TCU (-2) v. Air Force
A really good coach will make sure his team bounces back after a bad loss, and I think TCU’s got a good coach.

SOUTH CAROLINA (-3) v. Georgia
Georgia should sit out the rest of the season as punishment for the uniforms they wore on Saturday. What a goddamn embarassment, not just to Georgia, but to America.

NOTRE DAME (-3.5) v. Michigan
Michigan doesn’t look that much better than they were last year. Denard Robinson is presumably still a turnover machine. Fuck both these teams.

STEELERS (+3) v. Ravens
Hard to not take points in what should always be a pick’em...

Lines from what is apparently now “bodog.eu,” as if that makes it legal now, 8:47 PM MDT, Tuesday.


Robb Witmer Full is more than ready for the inevitable meltdown.
@robbwitmer