December 29, 2012

ESPN Monkey-Logic

By ROBB WITMER FULL    
LOOK HOW VALUABLE ANDREW LUCK IS BEING FOR THE COLTS AS THIS PICTURE IS BEING TAKEN.


Remember when the Colts were shitting the bed last year on their way to a 2-14 record? This caused many prominent jag-offs to say that Peyton Manning, who played exactly ZERO snaps, should be the MVP of the 2011 season. This is massively stupid for many reasons, not the least of which is that it’s incredibly insulting to any player who played during the 2011 season, or to any player who’s ever been injured.

We can only assume, of course, that all of those same jag-offs are now retroactively changing their vote for Andrew Luck to be the NFL MVP of 2011. It would make the same amount of sense, so long as you use ESPN monkey-logic. In fact, using this “logic,” if the Colts win tomorrow — making them 11-5, one win better than than the 2010 Colts — then Andrew Luck is ALREADY a better quarterback than Peyton Manning.

This is the sort of thing that — even when the PushMaster Invitational isn’t furiously skull-fucking me — makes me want to put my head into an elephant’s asshole once and for all.