October 14, 2012

The Return of Bo Jackson?

PUSHMASTER PICKS '012: WEEK SIX

By ROBB WITMER FULL    
MARK "DONKEY SALAMI" SANCHEZ: THE HUMAN RANDOM NUMBER GENERATOR.


For the eighth consecutive season, the author is competing in the PushMaster Invitational Football Pool, the greatest gambling pool in the history of Sport. Every week players must make five picks against the point spread, college or pro, overs or unders.


Since my strategy of waiting till the end-of-week to make my picks worked out to such an astonishing degree (3-2!), I’ve decided to stick with it a smidge longer. I should note, however, that I was one bounce in the Chargers’ favor away from employing the next wave of pickery technology: a random number generator.

I’ll keep that one in my back pocket for now. It probably won’t be too much longer before my winning percentage is flirting with the 20’s again.


WEEK SIX PICKS

LAST WEEK: 3-2-0 | SEASON: 9-16-0, 36.0% | LIFETIME: 331-314-20, 51.3%

COWBOYS (+3.5) v. Ravens
I don’t think the Ravens have any interest in this game. Certainly, America doesn’t.

Bengals v. BROWNS (+2.5)
The Browns have to be up for this game, since it has to be one of the only games they’ve circled on the schedule as a possible win. It’s their Super Bowl, and when they win I expect they’ll carry Brandon Weedon off the field on their shoulders and dump Gatorade on their head coach’s head, whoever that is these days.

Colt’s Bar & Horsebeef Grille v. JETS (-3.5)
The Peyton-less Colt’s are quickly becoming one of my favorite non-Steelers teams, and there’s nothing I’d like to see more than a post-Manning Indianapolis resurgence, but I think people are getting ahead of themselves with this team. I just don’t think they can keep it up for another week. The Jets are going to be playing like their jobs are on the line, because for the most part, they are.

GIANTS (+7) v. 49ers
I liked this spread at the beginning of the week when it was 4.5, so I obviously love it at 7. I’m tempted to find out what happened. Like, did someone important get injured for the Giants? Did the 49ers just sign Bo Jackson? Has Jason Tuck covered his entire face with his facemask so that he can’t see any goddamn thing? Eh, who cares? Maybe all of these things have happened, but knowing about them would go against my strict, new “no information” policy on making NFL picks.

VIKINGS (+1) v. Redskins
In the eternal words of Jerry Seinfeld, what is up with the Redskins? Who are these people?

Stations, 11:23 AM EDT, Sunday


Robb Witmer Full (@robbwitmer) is inching his way back to relevancy in the PushMaster Invitational