September 20, 2012

Colorado '012: Success You Can't See

PUSHMASTER PICKS '012: WEEK THREE

By ROBB WITMER FULL    

THE SWEATER VEST OF RAGE.

"This isn't going to get easier, it's going to get harder this year," —former Colorado head football coach Bill McCartney, at Colorado’s weekly football press conference
For the eighth consecutive season, the author is competing in the PushMaster Invitational Football Pool, the greatest gambling pool in the history of Sport. Every week players must make five picks against the point spread, college or pro, overs or unders.


You know your football program is in a sad state indeed when a 72-year-old man feels the need to hijack your press conference in order to lecture the fanbase and local media on loyalty, as well as their inclination to “bitch and moan and whine and complain.”

There is now no doubt which College Football program is currently in the most advanced state of shambles. That was certain only twelve minutes (!) into the Buffaloes’ [sic] most recent ugly loss — this one to Fresno State — when they were down 35-0 before most fans had the chance to figure out which channel the game was on.

A majority of McCartney’s rambling, eleven-minute tirade was ostensibly in support of current head coach Jon Embree and his staff. Yeah, nothing says job security like vague allusions to foundation building. "When we turned this thing over to Embree, we turned it over to somebody who is going to get the job done," McCartney said. "Even though right now the progress is below the ground and we can't see it."

That’s right, we can’t see it. Fresno State couldn’t see it either. School president Bruce Benson has a hard time seeing it also. “All we can say is we have a serious rebuilding," he said.

No shit. As McCartney put it, "there's no shortcut. We're in over our heads right now."


WEEK THREE PICKS

Last Week: 1-4-0 | Season: 3-7-0, 30.00% | Lifetime: 325-305-20, 51.59%

Colorado v. WASHINGTON STATE (-19)
It’s way too easy to pick against Colorado here, and that makes me worried. As bad as the Buffs have been this year, it’s not clear that Washington State can stop dropping the ball or tripping over themselves long enough to pull away from them. At the very least we know that if things are working for the Cougars offensively (likely, given the competition), Mike Leach will continue to “run his offense.”

BENGALS (+3.5) v. Redskins
Robert Griffin could very well turn out to be the second coming of Football Jesus, but let’s all not forget that he’s on the Redskins.

Jaguars v. COLT’S BAR & HORSEBEEF GRILLE (-2.5)
After a change of ownership, Colt’s is now a horsebeef restaurant instead of a gay dancehall. The idea is to capitalize on the surging popularity of Andrew “Horsebeef” Luck, as well as the rising popularity of horsebeef itself.

EAGLES (-4.5) v. Cardinals
The Cardinals being 2-0 is a joke, and the mere thought of them going to 3-0 is enough to give me night terrors. They are not a good football team.

BUCCANEERS (+8) v. Cowboys
Why can’t I turn on the Internet without hearing about that stupid fucking play at the end of the Bucs/Giants game? Is this Tebow’s fault somehow?

5dimes.eu, 1:00 PM EDT, Tuesday.


Robb Witmer Full is the College Football correspondent for Sports-Thrust, which means he spends most of his week trying to figure out who the worst team in the country is. Follow his up-to-the-minute analysis of bad football on Twitter.